TAKING CHARGE OF THE EGGS

Photo by: Andrew Malnar

Photo by: Andrew Malnar

Material on this website is copyrighted. No aspect of this post or any post on this site can be quoted or used without permission and/or direct links back to site.

I should be excited to finally do something I’ve wanted to do for over 10 years. However, sharing and being this vulnerable opens me up to criticism. But, there must be at least one other person out there feeling the way I do, and maybe now she’ll feel less alone.

THE WHAT

I am freezing my eggs!! I’ve had many doctor appointments lately that some of you have inquired about. Most were for this and one other health reason that I plan on discussing next week.

No reason to fill me in on all the reasons I should NOT freeze eggs at my geriatric age. A quick google search leaves me grim. I know the statistics. I know I have a beautiful, healthy child already and feel very blessed. I look back at him as a baby— how could I not want another one! I have such a heart for those that are longing for their first baby. I know this is a very sensitive subject.

Those of you that have visited the blog since the beginning know of this fertility and secondary infertility journey. Many of you helped me, given great advise and shared your own stories.

THE WHY

For me, I have always imagined at least two kids. Life did not end up like a fairy tale, so I am taking charge. While there are alternative ways to have children now, adoption being an excellent one, I still have a deep desire to biologically have one more, Lord willing. We’ve discussed this on the blog, so it’s no secret.

I searched and searched for anyone my age and their experience with egg freezing. I’m sure there are blogs out there outlining the whole thing at my stage in life, but I had trouble finding them.

Egg freezing is just that. You retrieve as many eggs as possible and hope they make it through the freezing and thawing process. No sperm is involved. No embryos are made and tested. So, most people freezing are single women doing this all by themselves. They want to have a baby at some point, but life is not allowing that to happen today. I had been shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars a month- like 10K some months- in lawyer fees for the divorce and restraining order, so I felt, what is one month dedicated to my family’s future? It is an huge investment if you pay out of pocket, so I understand. Seeing that number on my credit card statement is hard to process, but I have become used to it the past year. If you’re reading this and feel it is out of your reach financially, please do some research. There are options, especially if you are willing to travel. I was not in that position during my divorce and covid.

IF I COULD DO IT OVER

Ideally, I would have had children earlier, which I plan on discussing in another post. My second wish is having frozen my eggs earlier. Why didn’t I?  I ask myself this question often. I struggled with the idea I was “playing God.” Age and a better understanding of modern medicine has given me a different perspective on that.

THERE WAS STILL A CHANCE

My doctor, Dr. Carolyn Alexander, initially helped me after I lost my second baby. I miraculously had Hayden naturally and easily (so much so, I was writing pregnancy posts like THIS one), but my two pregnancies after him were different. Devastatingly, they ended in miscarriages. I talked about this some here in this post. The second miscarriage was further along than the first. I had told my family already and was almost ready to share with friends and here on the blog. My doctor determined the issue was most likely not with me or the egg. I still have a possibility of a healthy baby. It was my Jim Carey, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance!” moment.

THE PREP

So, I started the freezing process. Technically, it could all be done fairly quickly, but I kept having delays. I had to get a list of things done first, namely a mammogram (very important) and frequent , various blood work to see hormone levels. I was too stressed with court dates and finances, out of town filming a movie last summer, wanted to detox my body a bit more… but the truth is, you gotta just go for it. I had an ultrasound to see how many follicles I had that month and it seemed ok to begin. There’s plenty of prep you can do if you have the time. I did not. I’m under then most amount of stress in my lifetime, so “lowering stress” seemed implausible. I still say the book IT STARTS WITH THE EGG is a great first step. I also wrote all the supplements that I have been told to take in this post here. I was told to cut caffeine to one cup a day. Limit sugar. No saunas or hot tubs or excessive workouts. Note: this all becomes more important when injections begin. I had not been going to acupuncture regularly, but began as soon as I could get an appointment. This is just what I have been told and only reflects my experience. Please consult your doctor before taking any supplements or following my lead in any way.

To be continued…I’m writing this as a series.

Part 2 : INJECTION PHASE AND EVERYTHING NO ONE TOLD ME- OH MY GOODNESS!

Part 3: THE RETRIEVAL AND EVERYTHING AFTER

xoxo Anything you want to share, I am reading every single comment.

AAJ

GETTING PERSONAL w/Soaps.com

This past summer, Soaps.com posted a short article. I didn’t repost because there were something private in the article that I’ve yet to discuss. I would never want anything misconstrued, twisted or used wrongly. You may not even notice what I’m referring to… might just seem like another recap of an instagram post?

I know from first hand experience, when another individual shares their journey, their vulnerability invites me in and comforts me. Community is meaningful and important. For me, it’s a gift from God, especially when community prays together. Many people on social media have reached out to me sharing their similar experiences. Some have been incredibly traumatic, sensitive and urgent topics. I try to get back to all of you. I’m sorry if I don’t…. If you choose to comment here, I read them and I hope to respond very quickly. I started a facebook group for this purpose (amongst other purposes- to connect on a more private level about our lives in general). I haven’t been active with that… but plan to revisit if there’s interest. If you are going through turmoil and choose not to respond, I hope you take comfort in knowing you are not alone, even in your darkest hour.

I’m still in the middle of my ordeal….it’s ongoing and depleting, which is hard to believe 14 months later.

I usually post some sort of photo with the posts, so here is a random one from the week, no relation to the topic.

SEE ARTICLE BELOW:

soaps.com.JPG

Bold and Beautiful, General Hospital actress has come a long way.

Actress Ashley Jones, who has played Bold and Beautiful’s Bridget Forrester… since 2004, and who also appeared on General Hospital as Parker Forsyth, accepted the recent black and white challenge on social media, a campaign inspired by the soaring rates of violence against women as well as the brutal murder of a 27-year-old student named Pinar Gültekin. She used the opportunity to not only express her solidarity with Turkish women, and women who support other women, but also to reflect candidly on her own personal journey. Her heartfelt post began, “I look back on the past year and get so emotional thinking about certain tough dark times, I can barely see through my tears writing this. But here I am because God gave me the greatest support system that continually reminds me of my strength.”

The strong and talented Jones filed for divorce and a restraining order last fall against husband…amid allegations of abuse, and, happily, appears to be doing so much better. She updated, “I’m still just putting one foot in front of another, but sometimes look back and marvel- I’ve come a long way.” The actress took time in the post to thank God, her family, and added, “And thank you (you know who you are) for showing up in all the ways and ALL THE PLACES and carrying me when I simply couldn’t take another step.”

Ashley spoke to us directly saying, “It was August 17th that I had to leave my home with my son- almost a year ago. It’s interesting to look back the last year. But, Hayden is thriving and we are doing well trying to move forward and rebuild.” We are also happy to hear her report that the domestic violence restraining order became a permanent order on Feb 20, 2020….and currently has custody of their child.

Jones, who rejoined her Bold and Beautiful family for scenes that aired before the production shutdown in March, summed up her post by saying, “There is a treasure in the trauma… look for it. That is where you find your strength.” She also encouraged her followers to flood the Instagram feed with strong women and thanked “the good men out there supporting us women.”

ALL INFO REPOSTED FROM SOAPS.COM.

PLAN FOR THE FUTURE

I’m thrilled about our new sponsor: CFP Board. They’re shedding light on something I want all of us to think about and discuss – our finances. It’s not always comfortable, but it is extremely necessary.

mommy and me.jpg

As you may already know from my other posts, Joel and I are thinking about expanding our family (eeep!); this has led to discussions about our finances.

Lately, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with my mind racing about these discussions. I know stress is not the best during this “process,” but it’s also hard to avoid.  Joel and I both have family in the financial world that have impressed upon us the importance of planning for the future. We were told it was time to get help and make a plan created by a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional.

First off, I’m learning that many people without the necessary qualifications call themselves financial planners, so just beware. It’s essential to get someone who has a CFP® certification upholding the ethical standards required of a CFP® professional. Just like you want a doctor that has the proper license, you want someone guiding your finances that has the proper qualifications.


Like my desire to KonMari style organize my house is strong, my desire to get organized financially is even stronger. Meeting with a CFP® professional near us (letsmakeaplan.org) can help Joel and I start working on all of those questions that keep popping up in the middle of the night. I mainly want to plan for education (from preschool to college) and know how much we should be putting away for retirement and life insurance. It must be our age, but retirement seems to come up in conversation a lot lately. It’s easy to get stuck in the day-to-day and be happy just making ends meet every year, but I know there is a way to WIN the rat race one day–and enjoy retirement–IF we stay on a targeted plan.  

AshandHuck.ashleyajones.com


Like most Americans, our financial needs range and change. The above thoughts are my urgent issues today, but I also have so many others. For instance, lots of little questions about our personal taxes for those of us with blended families. A CFP® professional will work with us today and grow with us as our needs change, especially if (and when!) another little one joins the family. How can we make our money work for us, not the other way around!??  My father gave me the best reason to work with a CFP® professional: worry less. He said money is a terrible master, but a wonderful servant.

Do you feel like your money is working for you? I hope so! But could it be working harder? I’m excited to let the professionals do what they do best, so I can be the best for those I love and be the best at what I love.

It’s so easy to just meet with a CFP® professional. Go to letsmakeaplan.org and find one in your area. The best part of CFP® professionals is that they work with you to build a plan to take care of a myriad of needs–both big and small. If you are starting your own family, there is NO better time than now to start planning ahead and securing your future. If you’re even younger, let me tell you: when I bought my first house in my 20s, I thought that was enough to secure my financial future, but in hindsight, I could have done so much more had I retained a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional. See what they have to say!

If you’re interested, I hope to share our journey with you all–and show you how much financial planning can serve you in your lives. It can be a lifelong relationship, my CFP® pro and me!

As always, any comments below are welcomed! Have you ever worked with a financial planner?

xox

AJH

6D4A7837.jpg