Winter Solstice and US

Y’all… it’s been fun putting up some posts and getting your comments about holiday traditions, shopping and baking (more to come, too), but I want to address something on a serious note. Today seems like a good day because it’s Winter Solstice. Today is the shortest day of sunlight and longest night of darkness; a rebirth of the sun. After posting about going through a divorce, I received a lot of private DMs. I did get back to some of you, but comments kept coming. I thought I would write to each of you right here. 

First of all, I’m grateful you all are sharing. The holidays are so wonderfully chaotic for some, and for others can be brutally lonely and overwhelmingly emotional. I think what is the hardest for some of you (based on what I’m reading) is that this is not the holiday we THOUGHT we would have. The unmet expectations are translating as failure and disappointment in our minds. Although our feelings are valid, they are not always accurate. Feelings are not facts. 

This note is for those of you that told me you find yourselves suddenly single parents this holiday. Being a single parent is never how we imagined life, but here we are. And we will be okay. 

To the one that told me she didn’t know if she could survive this transition of divorce this Christmas, you will. I promise, you will. This season of heartache will pass. For all of us.

To the single mommies out there trying to scrape up money for Christmas, blessings to you.
Let’s not forget all our children really need is us. Our attention. Our love. 

To those of you that are suffering health wise or have loved ones not well, let’s pray for strength and healing. 

And to those of you that have opened up about missing loved ones, my heart aches for you. 

For those of you that were hoping so deeply to have a child of your own this holiday, I understand.

To all of you that told me you are in a relationship you know you need to leave immediately, yet feel you cannot, I understand that, too.

I don’t have the answers. I do pray and talk to God. I’ve had to shift my perspective. I was holding on to “what could have been.” It’s best to let that go. Grieve what could have been, then focus on “what is” and focus on the next step to being YOUR best self and being the best mommy/daddy.  What can WE do today to make tomorrow better? I wrote about how cathartic workouts are for me and encourage you all to find the time. I 110% believe that and know that, but I’ve let life get in the way recently and it’s hard to stay on schedule right now. Let’s all just be gentle with ourselves today. On the darkest night of the year, the lights will shine the brightest. Tomorrow, the sun will surely come up. And it will stay out longer giving us a sense of renewal and regeneration.

As the saying goes, scars have the power to remind us that our past is real. Whether your relationship or situation gave you physical scars or emotional scars or (like me) both, remember that those scars are landmarks in time. And you will one day look at those scars, as I will too, and see how they have faded. You will see how far you’ve come.

I know it’s not comfortable to comment publicly on instagram, so DM is easier. I’m brainstorming on how to connect all of us in a way that feels safe and supportive. I love this blog, but it’s not one location … there are different blog posts where people comment and it’s not possible to read all the comments as a community at once.

Find the joy in life today if you can. My little boy is playing in his room with his Nana and Papa. My heart is full. For those hurting today, consider yourself hugged and this bouquet of flowers is for you. You are not alone. We can turn our tragedy into treasure together.

Experiencing Loss

This past  week was full of loss on different levels. I’m not ready to open up about all of it, but one specific aspect I feel strongly about sharing, even if only one of you needs to hear it.

Before doing so, though, you must know how grateful my family is for all the prayers about my sister’s brother-in-law, Logan Schatte. I’m so happy to report that prayers have been answered. While there still a long road to full recovery, Logan’s young life was spared. Praise God for that. Thank you for those of you that have asked about him. I can’t get back to every DMs, which is why I like being able to communicate on this blog.

While Logan was released from ICU this week, another friend, Jenna Wittman, went into intensive care, but tragically did not have the same outcome. Jenna was a beloved member of the Bell Family, a wonderful makeup artist. I had known Jenna since my first day on Y&R, where I sat in the makeup chair next to her as she did sweet Sabryn Genet’s makeup (see Sabryn’s post HERE). We were close, the three of us. Jenna loved to make others happy, make people laugh.

In recent years, she made up some of your favorite faces on CBS soaps and some talk show hosts. See Melody Thomas Scott’s post about her HERE. And our B&B producer, Casey Kasprzyk, shared HERE.

I could go on and on about things I’d love to reminisce with her over the past few decades: our trip to NY, long days on sets, getting to chat with Stephen King. But that’s my point, memories that keep popping in my mind that I’d like to share with HER, but no longer can… heartbreaking she went so fast, but I know she feels the outpouring of love from those of us left here on Earth. 

Forgive such a sad post, for it should be more of a celebration of a life. What I’m wanting to convey is this: say the things you want to say now, in the living years. And in case you’re like me and need one extra reminder, let some stuff go. Find the beauty in today. If you are experiencing loss or devastation of your own, my heart goes out to you. There’s no great way around it, just through it. Everyone grieves differently, in their own time. And sometimes we grieve what could have been, what should have been. But you are not alone.

THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.

Psalm 34:18

Hugs.

xox

AAJ