Part Three of Egg Freezing: the retrieval

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While egg freezing is nothing new and many many women have done this, I could hardly find any written accounts of someone my age online. If you find any, I’d love to read. That was my motivation to write these posts, in hopes of making someone out there feel less alone on their whole fertility journey.

baby Hayden

I anxiously awaited the results of my last ultrasound to determine if I even got to do the retrieval. If the eggs didn’t grow enough, the doctor wouldn’t go through with the procedure and I would have to try it all over again next month. If they did, I’d have to go get a covid test  immediately (for this hospital, it was up BOTH nostrils!). It’s daunting to say the least. I had so many dreams of Hayden as a baby during this time (pictured above). Maybe I was trying to manifest? I was filming Bold and the Beautiful the day before I did my trigger shot. This gives the eggs that final boost and pumps me with the most amount of hormones to date. I did not feel my best. I had bruises on my abdomen and was retaining a ton of fluid (common side effect). I actually weighed in 9 pounds heavier at the hospital than I was 2 weeks before.

hospital

But, everything did look good with the eggs and we could move  forward with the retrieval. An immense weight was lifted, at least for a few hours. I feel so much for women that get this far and then cannot move forward. It’ s emotionally, physically and financially draining.

I’ve been putting off posting this entry. I know why. 

The morning of the retrieval, I am sick to my stomach. Of course, it could be the lack of food or drink for 12 hours, or the anxiety of going under anesthesia. But, I know it’s the emotion. If I hadn’t lost the last baby (about 14 months before the day of the surgery), I wouldn’t be freezing eggs at all. So many people have told me the miscarriages were “meant to be.” I know they are referring to the events of the past year: being granted a permanent domestic violence 3 year restraining order, then having to go through court custody battles and divorce proceedings with that same person. I know my friends mean well. But, I still don’t look at it that way. It was a loss. I never had a real chance to grieve because I went into survival mode shortly after the miscarriage. 

I guess this morning, it hits me. 

It’s like any other surgery- no eating or drinking beforehand, get there very early. I have my trusted caretaker at the house for Hayden. I uber to the hospital because I can’t drive home. You bring limited personal items, everything goes in a bag. You fill out a ton of paperwork, check your vitals, get in your sterile gear, and lay down on the bed just staring at the ceiling waiting. I advise asking for all paperwork ahead of time. I wasn’t allowed to sign anything until I got here, but at least I had already read over all the risks and waivers and insurance issues, etc.

The nurse arrives to put in the IV. I’ve never had good luck with my right arm, which tends to be the arm closest to the machines in almost every situation I’ve been in…. giving birth, drawing blood, DNC from miscarriage—  and true to form, even right now. I beg her to go straight to the left arm. One would think the nurse would appreciate the tip, since I know my body better than they do. But, it’s kinda like a new hairdresser that doesn’t listen to you because they think they know your hair better than you ever could, only to learn you were right in the fist place— after your hair looks slightly orange. She insists on using my right arm and said all the other nurses must not have known what they were doing. After one failed attempt, I ask to speak to my doctor. I don’t want bruises on my right arm again. She switches to the left arm, very annoyed. But it works perfectly the first time on the left arm. I’m proud of myself for being assertive. My people-pleasing nature too often wins the struggle. 

It all becomes a bit of a blur after that. The doctor comes in to say hello; the anesthesiologist arrives, asks a few questions… and I become very relaxed. 

I wake up groggy, but ok. My dearest Jennifer Garies is there waiting for me. (Yes, we are really like real family). She brought snacks and drives me home, making sure I am ok. I am ok- but probably best I don’t drive. I was hoping for 12 eggs, but through the retrieval and freezing process, they got eight, then only seven made it through the fast freeze. Funny- seven has always been a special number to me. 

The crazy part? All the hoops I went through, doctor’s appointments, injections, etc— there is absolutely no guarantee. And we’ll never know how viable those eggs are until I try to have a baby at some point.

So, my hope is one egg (the first one!) makes it through the thawing process, fertilization process, testing process and then my body receives it, allowing the embryo to grow. It may not be the traditional way, but I still call it a miracle.

My body went back to it’s normal state within a week or so. Be gentle on yourself. I did not feel any pain afterward, but just uncomfortable for a day or so.

And all in all, it was cathartic. I deeply felt this was something I needed to do. And, as I’ve mentioned in another post, what if everything goes as well as it possibly could? I still believe in love, and for certain still believe in miracles. Ready for both.

If you’re curious about fertility, I still highly recommend IT STARTS WITH THE EGG. i wrote more about his book and what I learned HERE.

PART TWO of Egg Freezing: INJECTIONS

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I kinda jump right in with PART TWO of my egg freezing journey. Find Part ONE here. Nothing fancy here- just literally documenting. I took so much video, but not as many photos. I’ll definitely have a video up soon, though. As always, would love your thoughts in comments.

xo AAJ

FIRST NIGHT OF INJECTIONS

Sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing, I feel defeated. My medications were delivered. Despite the nurse explaining it several times, this now seems extremely tedious and daunting. I am so angry to be doing this now in my life- alone without a partner. I’m angry about covid keeping me from being able to do this in person with someone else. I worry I’m too old- this is a waste. I’m old and it could cause any abnormal breast tissue to grow, hence my appointments with breast specialists. My mind just races. 

The delivery arrived around 9pm. It comes in a very large box with some temperature controlled meds that must be refrigerated. I sorted through it all, separated the medications, the needles, the antiseptic, the Q-caps (I had never heard of these before). Looked at what powders needed to be mixed with what liquids before injecting them into my body. It’s imperative I do this correctly— even though I’m tired, and now crying. I have to wait until Hayden is asleep to do this, obviously.

Then, I realize a lot of people doing this ARE alone. I look up instructions on youtube and found step-by-step videos for each medication. I did look at a few videos before getting the meds, but it was all confusing until I could see the materials in front of me. I take a deep breath and just do it. I feel like I’m in Breaking Bad or something. Exaggerating, but it’s a decent amount of mixing and putting the right needles on at the right time, etc. Not gonna lie, there are a lot of needles.

NO ONE MENTIONED

In the middle of the night after taking the first injections, I got my period. My doctor put me on birth control for 10 days when we first started the process. I was confused about my cycle because it gets adjusted. I didn’t keep track and panicked when it started. I thought something went wrong and the process was messed up. I figured I did the drugs incorrectly and was so mad at myself. I called the doctor on call at the surgery center. Alas, it is completely normal. I was right on track, in fact. No one told me, probably because it’s common sense!

The medications are known to have side effects, as you will come to know. These are easy to research and find online. It’s widely known. I managed pretty well, but have gained about 8 lbs. I had to film a pilot presentation right in the middle of it. (If it gets picked up and airs, you will see most definitely see the water weight.) It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it did me. I probably was more emotional and stuff, but didn’t feel horrible. I’ve heard people have seriously intense mood swings. I did have pain after injecting the Menapur. And some bruising on my abdomen. Actually, some days it was a lot of bruising.

It’s expensive. This is also widely known. I even researched and attempted to find the best pharmacy for the medication I was prescribed, but you need to be careful. You want a pharmacy that you can call last minute that has any medication you need available and can deliver it that day. I also called them more than once with questions and the pharmacist was available for me every time. This is key. I was on antibiotics, too. Then, after a series of about 10-12 days, I took the trigger shots that give the doctor the final result to see if retrieval is possible. It’s a bit of roller coaster.

DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS

I didn’t quite realize how often I would be getting ultrasounds and blood work. It’s about 2-3 times a week, then every other day when they get closer to the retrieval surgery. Or every day. 

You’ll also be going in for appointments prior to injections to make sure this is a good cycle to do it and your body looks prepared. Normally this would have been easier, but covid made it more complicated. Covid testing was required at different points and at a certain point, Hayden could no longer come with me. ALSO… as I was laying on the table in the doctor’s office about to get another ultrasound, I was told that we hoped the medication was working and the follicles were growing properly. I was like… wait, WHAT??? There is a chance you inject all this medication and there are not enough eggs or they do not reach a certain size. So, I waited for a text or email from my doctor every time I left hoping for the green light to continue. Again, the roller coaster.

GOOD NEWS

It’s a finite amount of time and if you are looking into doing this or starting IVF, you can do it. If I can manage it, trust me, so can you. There’s a whole list of things you are suppose to do (or at least I I was given a list). I was pretty good- not perfect. I disused it a bit on the original post about egg freezing. Also, very important to note- the injections DO become much easier. You get so used to doing them. And you figure out the right rhythm. 

I’m up for answering questions if you have them. Please ask here- if you want to conceal your identity, sign in as a guest. It’s better for others to see q&a’s. If you ask over DM, I may never see it and also for sure, no one else will. 

Thanks for sending the good vibes. And sending them back to you.

I did get the go ahead that the retrieval will happen, that will be PART THREE.

TAKING CHARGE OF THE EGGS

Photo by: Andrew Malnar

Photo by: Andrew Malnar

Material on this website is copyrighted. No aspect of this post or any post on this site can be quoted or used without permission and/or direct links back to site.

I should be excited to finally do something I’ve wanted to do for over 10 years. However, sharing and being this vulnerable opens me up to criticism. But, there must be at least one other person out there feeling the way I do, and maybe now she’ll feel less alone.

THE WHAT

I am freezing my eggs!! I’ve had many doctor appointments lately that some of you have inquired about. Most were for this and one other health reason that I plan on discussing next week.

No reason to fill me in on all the reasons I should NOT freeze eggs at my geriatric age. A quick google search leaves me grim. I know the statistics. I know I have a beautiful, healthy child already and feel very blessed. I look back at him as a baby— how could I not want another one! I have such a heart for those that are longing for their first baby. I know this is a very sensitive subject.

Those of you that have visited the blog since the beginning know of this fertility and secondary infertility journey. Many of you helped me, given great advise and shared your own stories.

THE WHY

For me, I have always imagined at least two kids. Life did not end up like a fairy tale, so I am taking charge. While there are alternative ways to have children now, adoption being an excellent one, I still have a deep desire to biologically have one more, Lord willing. We’ve discussed this on the blog, so it’s no secret.

I searched and searched for anyone my age and their experience with egg freezing. I’m sure there are blogs out there outlining the whole thing at my stage in life, but I had trouble finding them.

Egg freezing is just that. You retrieve as many eggs as possible and hope they make it through the freezing and thawing process. No sperm is involved. No embryos are made and tested. So, most people freezing are single women doing this all by themselves. They want to have a baby at some point, but life is not allowing that to happen today. I had been shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars a month- like 10K some months- in lawyer fees for the divorce and restraining order, so I felt, what is one month dedicated to my family’s future? It is an huge investment if you pay out of pocket, so I understand. Seeing that number on my credit card statement is hard to process, but I have become used to it the past year. If you’re reading this and feel it is out of your reach financially, please do some research. There are options, especially if you are willing to travel. I was not in that position during my divorce and covid.

IF I COULD DO IT OVER

Ideally, I would have had children earlier, which I plan on discussing in another post. My second wish is having frozen my eggs earlier. Why didn’t I?  I ask myself this question often. I struggled with the idea I was “playing God.” Age and a better understanding of modern medicine has given me a different perspective on that.

THERE WAS STILL A CHANCE

My doctor, Dr. Carolyn Alexander, initially helped me after I lost my second baby. I miraculously had Hayden naturally and easily (so much so, I was writing pregnancy posts like THIS one), but my two pregnancies after him were different. Devastatingly, they ended in miscarriages. I talked about this some here in this post. The second miscarriage was further along than the first. I had told my family already and was almost ready to share with friends and here on the blog. My doctor determined the issue was most likely not with me or the egg. I still have a possibility of a healthy baby. It was my Jim Carey, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance!” moment.

THE PREP

So, I started the freezing process. Technically, it could all be done fairly quickly, but I kept having delays. I had to get a list of things done first, namely a mammogram (very important) and frequent , various blood work to see hormone levels. I was too stressed with court dates and finances, out of town filming a movie last summer, wanted to detox my body a bit more… but the truth is, you gotta just go for it. I had an ultrasound to see how many follicles I had that month and it seemed ok to begin. There’s plenty of prep you can do if you have the time. I did not. I’m under then most amount of stress in my lifetime, so “lowering stress” seemed implausible. I still say the book IT STARTS WITH THE EGG is a great first step. I also wrote all the supplements that I have been told to take in this post here. I was told to cut caffeine to one cup a day. Limit sugar. No saunas or hot tubs or excessive workouts. Note: this all becomes more important when injections begin. I had not been going to acupuncture regularly, but began as soon as I could get an appointment. This is just what I have been told and only reflects my experience. Please consult your doctor before taking any supplements or following my lead in any way.

To be continued…I’m writing this as a series.

Part 2 : INJECTION PHASE AND EVERYTHING NO ONE TOLD ME- OH MY GOODNESS!

Part 3: THE RETRIEVAL AND EVERYTHING AFTER

xoxo Anything you want to share, I am reading every single comment.

AAJ

MY BIGGEST WHAT IF

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This time last year, I started using basic fertility tools and got some great advice from you.

I didn’t share something else at the time because I just wasn’t ready. I had recently miscarried. Truth be told, I’ve miscarried twice. That second time, I was further along. Over nine and a half weeks. We had tried IUI, but this time we were pregnant naturally! I thought it was a sign.

I went in for my appointment by myself. It was a check up to make sure the heart beat was strong and get blood work to find out the gender. I felt so deeply it was a little girl. She would be named after my Great Grandmother, also started with an “H,” like Huck and Hayden. I had already told my parents. I had Hayden wear a shirt that said “big brother” when I took him to visit them in Texas. These photos here were taken because we were about to announce at 12 weeks. I felt pretty “swollen” and couldn’t fit into much else but A line dresses like the one pictured.

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That day, as I lay on my back looking at the ultrasound machine, my doctor kept moving the wand around inside me. He was silent. If I had been standing, I would have fainted. I felt like I went limp on the table anyway. Dear God, it’s ok, it’s ok, right?? I could hear myself pleading in my mind.

Then, I heard the words that 1 in 4 women hear: there is no heartbeat.

I actually didn’t believe my doctor. Tears flowed uncontrollably as his words became inaudible. Just noise in the room. Like I was underwater. I heard him say “D and C “ if the baby didn’t come out naturally. And then looking further into modern medicine and considering IVF.

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As great as my doctor is, there is no great way to help someone like me in that moment. The nurses told me to take my time in the room, I didn’t have to rush out for another patient. I got the paperwork, which read “abortion.” I cried even harder. The technical term for a miscarriage is a spontaneous abortion, but I didn’t know that. I asked the nurse to change that because I didn’t have an abortion. She explained it is a medical term for insurance purposes.

Days after this, the baby didn’t come out naturally. I so badly wanted to believe the baby was still alive and the ultrasound just missed the heartbeat. I actually felt guilty drinking any wine because “what if” the baby had made it. I had to schedule a D and C, something I had heard of but knew nothing about. However, I know many, many of you know it all too well. I asked the doctor to look again in an ultrasound because I needed to know for sure I lost my baby. And there was the embryo, still inside me, no heartbeat.

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Maybe someday I’ll share some notes I took about the D and C and that day. I took notes during the whole fertility process, actually. All the “what ifs” that came up. But that’s not exactly what this is about today. Today, I simply felt very strongly about opening up this space for women to not feel alone right around the new year. Women and men. Life can change so quickly. The plans and dreams we have for our family can shift so dramatically it is difficult to process.

But we must allow ourselves to go through the emotional cycles. The hormones that are rushing through you are intense. Seeing birth announcements come in the mail with New Year’s wishes can be hard. Of course, you are joyful for those around you, but take the time to care for yourself and know it’s OK to be sad. To be angry. I’ve seen posts with hopeful couples that say, “All I want for Christmas are two pink lines.” If you’re disappointed that you’re not announcing a pregnancy now, I SEE YOU. I get it. You are not alone. I play things around in my head sometimes. But, what If? Part of the grieving process is grieving what could’ve been. And it does get easier. I promise you that. One of the other things I had to learn (and remind myself of often) is not to compare my journey to anyone else’s. But if I’m honest with you, I struggle with twinges of jealous when I see families together. Couples that love each other unconditionally, support each other and are safe and sound, juggling their kids.

The definition of my family is different right now. I feel broken open. I have faith things happen the way they are meant to, I do. I’ve discussed secondary infertility, vitamins and supplements I was taking (and still am!). As this topic of conversation has come up, what heals me is to help someone else. I hope I can.

The unknown is the hardest part.... not knowing if you can conceive naturally. Then, waiting to find out if everything is ok if you DO conceive. If you don’t, then you look into modern medicine and have to process how financially depleting some of these treatments are. The stress is indescribable at times. Right now, I wish I had just frozen my eggs earlier.

At doctor’s office with my nurse.

At doctor’s office with my nurse.

In an interview recently, someone asked me what I would tell younger people about fertility. I would absolutely not give up if you feel the deep desire to have your own child— if finances are an issue, look into programs and insurance policies. I am doing that now. Lemme know if you are in my boat and want me to share my research. Thankfully there are other programs like LifeSpring, which help children of the future financially in case they experience infertility. If I had had access to insurance years ago, I would probably have a different story. New concept, I know, but something to think about. And specifically for my fellow Texans: LifeSpring policy is approved by the Texas Department of Insurance. Beneficiaries (children birth age to age 13) must be residents of the State of Texas at the time of purchase. Purchaser does not need to be a resident of Texas. As with all insurance, you hope you never need it. But what a blessing to have it if you do. Thank you to LifeSpring being a one time sponsor of this blog and encouraging me to tell my story. All experiences and opinions are my own.

FERTILITY humility

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Last week, I posted in stories about being at the doctor— again. Although I received concerned questions, I was reticent to say why I was back at the doctor; I feel like a broken record. It’s more fertility stuff (if you’re new here and curious about our journey, search “FERTILITY” in the search bar at the top of the HOME page, or scroll down to the featured posts at bottom of this post). But after a few days, I figured, why not share our struggle via a blogpost?? If there are other people out there feeling the same way, I’d like them to know they’re not alone! I understand the frustration, disappointments, emotional roller coaster, desire and pressure it puts on your marriage.

I feel like this post is a bit redundant, so I apologize. Even if it doesn’t interest you, perhaps you find yourself talking to someone or a family member in the future that it would help. And if you have anything to add, I hope you will leave in comments?! I’ve already learned from you all!

There’s a term in the medical world called “secondary infertility.” Hayden was conceived easily, but the journey to have another child has not been straightforward. This is not for the weary. It’s humbling. But, when I get down emotionally, I take my time away from the world and pray about it. I end up nesting at home, disconnecting from things and even sometimes people. I’m learning this a personal journey with God and my family.

As I start to open up, I’m amazed by the people I know reaching out via email, calling, texting with their own experiences… and even more amazed with people I don’t know emailing through the blog, DMing on social platforms. This life issue is common. It’s a real desire. And as hard as it is to go through, the journey cultivates the virtue of humility.

NEW STEPS I WISH I HAD TAKEN TWO YEARS AGO…

The book I talked about in previous posts, IT STARTS WITH THE EGG, is worth the read if you’re looking to get pregnant. A reader on this blog recommended it to me. Then the doctor reiterated what supplements I need to be taking everyday and I had already read about them in the book, so I was prepared. 

Because many of you have asked for my list, below is my current regimen of supplements and vitamins that I started. From my understanding, these are common during TTC, but once you DO conceive, some should be stopped (DHEA, Co-Q10 especially), so here’s my disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I am just sharing my latest bit of knowledge, PLEASE consult your doctor before taking anything as each body chemistry is different. I’ve also recently been told (and read) that a low dose aspirin is helpful, but I have not taken that. I heard from multiple people that taking muscinex can help, but I have not done that, either.

DHEA 75mg/day

Alpha Lipoic Acid

Methyl-folate

Ubiquinol (Co-Q10)

Pre-Natal Vitamin

Vitamin D

Iron rich foods

low caffeine 

Plenty of water

Minimize processed and saturated fatty foods

low sugar

melatonin 


Find what and WHO might help YOU. My doctor recently was my cheerleader. My favorite part of the meeting was when she had to step out and “do something quickly.” She returned with a huge smile, laughing, saying, “That will be you soon; a patient a bit older than you that is well into her pregnancy dropping us a visit.” By the way, I hear there are great support groups on facebook. Anyone know of one in particular?  

xoxo

AAJ

Fertility Update

Hayden at 2 weeks. How is he about to start PRE-School?

Hayden at 2 weeks. How is he about to start PRE-School?

Hey ya’ll, it’s been a while since I discussed anything about fertility in your 40s, specifically my fertility journey. After reading comments in my post HERE, and the post HERE, I learned a lot about some of YOU that are in a similar boat. I have been thinking about you all, wondering how it’s going??

As most of you know, I started using the ovulation sticks (that I talked about HERE). That was/is helpful for sure, but I know it takes more time at my age.  I read from several of you that took fertility medications successfully.

I asked my doctor about clomid. I took that for three months in a row, along with a hGC shot before ovulation. And….nothing. 

I went back and looked at the comments here on the blog and one of you actually mentioned Letrozole, also called Femara. It was in the back of my brain…then, last month I decided to have a consultation with a specialist. She was very thorough and honest, reticently hopeful. She brought up Femara and a light bulb went off from reading it on the comments from one of you on this blog. So, I switched to that for a month.

Another one of you recommended IT STARTS WITH THE EGG by Rebecca Fett. I had never heard of it before. The book has a ton of good information (and you don’t just have to take our word for it, check out the reviews). It helps keep me feeling proactive, which is extremely helpful. There is a lot of info packed in this book, so my one bit of advice would be not to let it stress you out. It’s an excellent guide. Plenty of info on what the male counterpart can do to help improve sperm quality, too. (Not always easy to get your partner to comply, but worth a try!).

The book has a great guide for all the vitamins and supplements out there that can be helpful for both the male and the female.

I’ve received such good advice from you all. Anything else you can pass along, I’d be so grateful!

And if you are on this road, I’m hoping to read positive notes in the comments!

xoxo

AAJ



I am NOT, but thank you for thinking about me.

Hi guys!

I’ve been getting comments and DMs very kindly/gently asking about how the “two week wait” went. 

Basically, am I pregnant? In short, no. And I really thought I was, so it was depressing to find out. I just allowed myself to be bummed out for a few days…but now, I’m getting my mind focused again.

What really helps are reading comments of your inspiring stories, like the ones in this post here. It seems for some of us, perseverance is the key.

I opened up here to discuss this process because I know there’s a good deal of people going through some fertility issues (small or big). It helps me to feel like I’m not alone. After reading some of your comments (and especially DMs for those of you that felt it was too personal to write openly), I appreciate knowing it helps some of you, too.

I’m still hopeful for all of us. I’m gearing up to start all over again. Now, off to get celery juice. I’m hearing it helps. With everything;) And Hayden and I have a mommy/son date this morning. This precious child… We’re already so blessed to have him and Huck. Reminding myself gratitude is a great place to start.

I posted a simple “prayer” on instagram stories last week: Lord, show me how to trust your timing and not my own. No matter what we are all going through in life, this is worth reading.

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Lady In Waiting: the two week wait

If you’ve come here to this post and don’t know what I’m referring to, my guess is it won’t be that interesting of a read for you. If BBT reminds you of Big Bang Theory and not TTC, this post wasn’t written for you! (Unless you’re a man and your wife is going through this… might be beneficial? Just saying. lol)

I’m talking about the journey of trying to conceive. The time between ovulation and celebration. Or disappointment….sometimes devastation. 

It doesn’t start that way… the first, say, several months are so promising and exciting! You’ve made the decision to have a baby! The adrenaline from just that process can carry you for a few months. But some point, that adrenaline wains and you want to see results. Maybe you were just “trying to see what happens.” But now find yourself clocking your cycle in apps or consulting doctors, doing bloodwork, getting ultrasounds, acupuncture, taking herbs, taking medications, taking your BBT (basal body temperature)… etc.

This photo was 3 years ago at our little make shift photo shoot when I was pregnant with Hayden.

This photo was 3 years ago at our little make shift photo shoot when I was pregnant with Hayden.

For those of you that have never gone through this arduous process for one reason or another, it most likely seems foreign and possibly crazy. Perhaps you conceived your children easily, or adopted, or chose not to have children. Some of you tried for a long time to get their miracle baby, or came to terms with not having biological children.   

When I was 38, I got the feeling from doctors that I was going to have trouble conceiving. I thought it would take me a very long time. I was almost mentally prepared for the process to take  6-12 months. But, it happened quickly. We were blessed. 

This time around has been different. Yes, I know I’m older , so there’s that issue. I try not to put pressure on us or myself, but I know  it must be there. The pressure, I mean. I posted on instagram right at the new year talking about using an ovulation test. I started using those because the first several months of trying, nothing was happening for me.  After consulting with a doctor, I was told to track my cycle. I got hyped up and excited thinking it would work miracles within months, like it does for many couples.

This is when it starts to get difficult. I discussed the topic in this post here. I got some great advice in the comments last time I posted about this, so I wanted to continue being open about fertility. I found an acupuncturist. It’s not cheap and the herbs taste terrible and you’re suppose to de-stress, change your diet and have frequents sessions with the acupuncturist. It’s just one step that some women take during this process. I also am taking a break from hot yoga (that I LOVE) because you’re not suppose to do that right now. I should be going to regular yoga, but I don’t like it as much. I appreciate those of you that commented and shared your experiences. I instantly felt less alone and more supported. For those of you wondering, there’s a decently large group of us out there around their 40s wanting to conceive as naturally as possible, or any way possible. 

How many of you are in or have recently been in this two week waiting period time and time again? (I can’t help but laugh at this phrase. It gives “lady in waiting” a whole new meaning.) I want to run to the store and get pregnancy tests but my doctor says it’s too early and would only create more stress for me to think that way. I just need to be patient. UGHHHH. And my question is: do you feel supported? How are you getting through it? Do you go on forums or have people to talk to? Of course we have our DH (dear husbands in the TCC community) or partner that may or may not totally understanding. I’m also TRYING to remember that I need to be supportive of my husband during this time, too. So, I’m learning it’s unfair of me to expect him to understand this emotionally charged time. I try not to vent too much or stress out to him about this topic (hence my venting here— wondering if he gets this far in the post-lol). Of course, Joel and I are in this  together. It’s our family. Our triumphs. And our stress. That strengthens us. (eventually;) 

FRIDAY THOUGHTS AND UPDATES

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Hi everyone. Happy almost weekend! I had a bigger plan for this post, but it’s not done, so I’m just popping in to say hello. And this photo is not me. But I’ve saved it for a while. It’s a stock photo on the internet. LOL. In my memories of European days (which WILL happen again), this is me. So, stay tuned for a copycat.

I’ve been thinking about some of you that have commented on recent posts. Those of you that are dealing with health issues or health issues of a loved one, I hope today is a good day. Sometimes, it’s just a day at a time.

And those of you that commented to on the post about fertility, I wanted to thank you for the encouragement. Some of you are right there with me, so I’m sending up great thoughts in my prayers tonight. For all of us!

I’m heading into the doctor tomorrow again to check stuff for fertility. Bright and early. And then tomorrow night is the Bold and Beautiful Anniversary party. 

On a different note, the movie I filmed in Canada last year, HOME KILLING QUEEN, is set to premiere on Lifetime May 11th! I’ll share more soon. It’s such a different role for me. The other actors and actresses in the film are excellent. And it was written by my friend Andrea Canning, Dateline corespondent. It’s a thriller, with a darker comedic tone. What I appreciate about the film is the overall message of values. We become what we feed our souls. Choose wisely.

UPDATE:

That was all written last night and I never posted it. All looks good for now from the doctor after my appointment, so we wait. UGH. We tried and we wait. This is the hardest part, am I right? Fertility is amazing and so hard sometimes.

I’m gonna distract myself and go get ready for the B&B party. Also, for you guys out there that know or have younger children, I have a fun post up for a giveaway…check it out on instagram. It’s the Chickapig book, game and soft fluffy chick creature! (So cute, actually). A great Easter gift, so go WIN it! Here’s the exact link-> instagram post giveaway.