PART TWO of Egg Freezing: INJECTIONS

I kinda jump right in with PART TWO of my egg freezing journey. Find Part ONE here. Nothing fancy here- just literally documenting. I took so much video, but not as many photos. I’ll definitely have a video up soon, though. As always, would love your thoughts in comments.

xo AAJ

FIRST NIGHT OF INJECTIONS

Sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing, I feel defeated. My medications were delivered. Despite the nurse explaining it several times, this now seems extremely tedious and daunting. I am so angry to be doing this now in my life- alone without a partner. I’m angry about covid keeping me from being able to do this in person with someone else. I worry I’m too old- this is a waste. I’m old and it could cause any abnormal breast tissue to grow, hence my appointments with breast specialists. My mind just races. 

The delivery arrived around 9pm. It comes in a very large box with some temperature controlled meds that must be refrigerated. I sorted through it all, separated the medications, the needles, the antiseptic, the Q-caps (I had never heard of these before). Looked at what powders needed to be mixed with what liquids before injecting them into my body. It’s imperative I do this correctly— even though I’m tired, and now crying. I have to wait until Hayden is asleep to do this, obviously.

Then, I realize a lot of people doing this ARE alone. I look up instructions on youtube and found step-by-step videos for each medication. I did look at a few videos before getting the meds, but it was all confusing until I could see the materials in front of me. I take a deep breath and just do it. I feel like I’m in Breaking Bad or something. Exaggerating, but it’s a decent amount of mixing and putting the right needles on at the right time, etc. Not gonna lie, there are a lot of needles.

NO ONE MENTIONED

In the middle of the night after taking the first injections, I got my period. My doctor put me on birth control for 10 days when we first started the process. I was confused about my cycle because it gets adjusted. I didn’t keep track and panicked when it started. I thought something went wrong and the process was messed up. I figured I did the drugs incorrectly and was so mad at myself. I called the doctor on call at the surgery center. Alas, it is completely normal. I was right on track, in fact. No one told me, probably because it’s common sense!

The medications are known to have side effects, as you will come to know. These are easy to research and find online. It’s widely known. I managed pretty well, but have gained about 8 lbs. I had to film a pilot presentation right in the middle of it. (If it gets picked up and airs, you will see most definitely see the water weight.) It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it did me. I probably was more emotional and stuff, but didn’t feel horrible. I’ve heard people have seriously intense mood swings. I did have pain after injecting the Menapur. And some bruising on my abdomen. Actually, some days it was a lot of bruising.

It’s expensive. This is also widely known. I even researched and attempted to find the best pharmacy for the medication I was prescribed, but you need to be careful. You want a pharmacy that you can call last minute that has any medication you need available and can deliver it that day. I also called them more than once with questions and the pharmacist was available for me every time. This is key. I was on antibiotics, too. Then, after a series of about 10-12 days, I took the trigger shots that give the doctor the final result to see if retrieval is possible. It’s a bit of roller coaster.

DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS

I didn’t quite realize how often I would be getting ultrasounds and blood work. It’s about 2-3 times a week, then every other day when they get closer to the retrieval surgery. Or every day. 

You’ll also be going in for appointments prior to injections to make sure this is a good cycle to do it and your body looks prepared. Normally this would have been easier, but covid made it more complicated. Covid testing was required at different points and at a certain point, Hayden could no longer come with me. ALSO… as I was laying on the table in the doctor’s office about to get another ultrasound, I was told that we hoped the medication was working and the follicles were growing properly. I was like… wait, WHAT??? There is a chance you inject all this medication and there are not enough eggs or they do not reach a certain size. So, I waited for a text or email from my doctor every time I left hoping for the green light to continue. Again, the roller coaster.

GOOD NEWS

It’s a finite amount of time and if you are looking into doing this or starting IVF, you can do it. If I can manage it, trust me, so can you. There’s a whole list of things you are suppose to do (or at least I I was given a list). I was pretty good- not perfect. I disused it a bit on the original post about egg freezing. Also, very important to note- the injections DO become much easier. You get so used to doing them. And you figure out the right rhythm. 

I’m up for answering questions if you have them. Please ask here- if you want to conceal your identity, sign in as a guest. It’s better for others to see q&a’s. If you ask over DM, I may never see it and also for sure, no one else will. 

Thanks for sending the good vibes. And sending them back to you.

I did get the go ahead that the retrieval will happen, that will be PART THREE.

FERTILITY humility

Last week, I posted in stories about being at the doctor— again. Although I received concerned questions, I was reticent to say why I was back at the doctor; I feel like a broken record. It’s more fertility stuff (if you’re new here and curious about our journey, search “FERTILITY” in the search bar at the top of the HOME page, or scroll down to the featured posts at bottom of this post). But after a few days, I figured, why not share our struggle via a blogpost?? If there are other people out there feeling the same way, I’d like them to know they’re not alone! I understand the frustration, disappointments, emotional roller coaster, desire and pressure it puts on your marriage.

I feel like this post is a bit redundant, so I apologize. Even if it doesn’t interest you, perhaps you find yourself talking to someone or a family member in the future that it would help. And if you have anything to add, I hope you will leave in comments?! I’ve already learned from you all!

There’s a term in the medical world called “secondary infertility.” Hayden was conceived easily, but the journey to have another child has not been straightforward. This is not for the weary. It’s humbling. But, when I get down emotionally, I take my time away from the world and pray about it. I end up nesting at home, disconnecting from things and even sometimes people. I’m learning this a personal journey with God and my family.

As I start to open up, I’m amazed by the people I know reaching out via email, calling, texting with their own experiences… and even more amazed with people I don’t know emailing through the blog, DMing on social platforms. This life issue is common. It’s a real desire. And as hard as it is to go through, the journey cultivates the virtue of humility.

NEW STEPS I WISH I HAD TAKEN TWO YEARS AGO…

The book I talked about in previous posts, IT STARTS WITH THE EGG, is worth the read if you’re looking to get pregnant. A reader on this blog recommended it to me. Then the doctor reiterated what supplements I need to be taking everyday and I had already read about them in the book, so I was prepared. 

Because many of you have asked for my list, below is my current regimen of supplements and vitamins that I started. From my understanding, these are common during TTC, but once you DO conceive, some should be stopped (DHEA, Co-Q10 especially), so here’s my disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I am just sharing my latest bit of knowledge, PLEASE consult your doctor before taking anything as each body chemistry is different. I’ve also recently been told (and read) that a low dose aspirin is helpful, but I have not taken that. I heard from multiple people that taking muscinex can help, but I have not done that, either.

DHEA 75mg/day

Alpha Lipoic Acid

Methyl-folate

Ubiquinol (Co-Q10)

Pre-Natal Vitamin

Vitamin D

Iron rich foods

low caffeine 

Plenty of water

Minimize processed and saturated fatty foods

low sugar

melatonin 

Find what and WHO might help YOU. My doctor recently was my cheerleader. My favorite part of the meeting was when she had to step out and “do something quickly.” She returned with a huge smile, laughing, saying, “That will be you soon; a patient a bit older than you that is well into her pregnancy dropping us a visit.” By the way, I hear there are great support groups on facebook. Anyone know of one in particular?  

xoxo

AAJ

Fertility Update

Hayden at 2 weeks. How is he about to start PRE-School?

Hey ya’ll, it’s been a while since I discussed anything about fertility in your 40s, specifically my fertility journey. After reading comments in my post HERE, and the post HERE, I learned a lot about some of YOU that are in a similar boat. I have been thinking about you all, wondering how it’s going??

As most of you know, I started using the ovulation sticks (that I talked about HERE). That was/is helpful for sure, but I know it takes more time at my age.  I read from several of you that took fertility medications successfully.

I asked my doctor about clomid. I took that for three months in a row, along with a hGC shot before ovulation. And….nothing. 

I went back and looked at the comments here on the blog and one of you actually mentioned Letrozole, also called Femara. It was in the back of my brain…then, last month I decided to have a consultation with a specialist. She was very thorough and honest, reticently hopeful. She brought up Femara and a light bulb went off from reading it on the comments from one of you on this blog. So, I switched to that for a month.

Another one of you recommended IT STARTS WITH THE EGG by Rebecca Fett. I had never heard of it before. The book has a ton of good information (and you don’t just have to take our word for it, check out the reviews). It helps keep me feeling proactive, which is extremely helpful. There is a lot of info packed in this book, so my one bit of advice would be not to let it stress you out. It’s an excellent guide. Plenty of info on what the male counterpart can do to help improve sperm quality, too. (Not always easy to get your partner to comply, but worth a try!).

The book has a great guide for all the vitamins and supplements out there that can be helpful for both the male and the female.

I’ve received such good advice from you all. Anything else you can pass along, I’d be so grateful!

And if you are on this road, I’m hoping to read positive notes in the comments!

xoxo

AAJ

I am NOT, but thank you for thinking about me.

Hi guys!

I’ve been getting comments and DMs very kindly/gently asking about how the “two week wait” went. 

Basically, am I pregnant? In short, no. And I really thought I was, so it was depressing to find out. I just allowed myself to be bummed out for a few days…but now, I’m getting my mind focused again.

What really helps are reading comments of your inspiring stories, like the ones in this post here. It seems for some of us, perseverance is the key.

I opened up here to discuss this process because I know there’s a good deal of people going through some fertility issues (small or big). It helps me to feel like I’m not alone. After reading some of your comments (and especially DMs for those of you that felt it was too personal to write openly), I appreciate knowing it helps some of you, too.

I’m still hopeful for all of us. I’m gearing up to start all over again. Now, off to get celery juice. I’m hearing it helps. With everything;) And Hayden and I have a mommy/son date this morning. This precious child… We’re already so blessed to have him and Huck. Reminding myself gratitude is a great place to start.

I posted a simple “prayer” on instagram stories last week: Lord, show me how to trust your timing and not my own. No matter what we are all going through in life, this is worth reading.

Lady In Waiting: the two week wait

If you’ve come here to this post and don’t know what I’m referring to, my guess is it won’t be that interesting of a read for you. If BBT reminds you of Big Bang Theory and not TTC, this post wasn’t written for you! (Unless you’re a man and your wife is going through this… might be beneficial? Just saying. lol)

I’m talking about the journey of trying to conceive. The time between ovulation and celebration. Or disappointment….sometimes devastation. 

It doesn’t start that way… the first, say, several months are so promising and exciting! You’ve made the decision to have a baby! The adrenaline from just that process can carry you for a few months. But some point, that adrenaline wains and you want to see results. Maybe you were just “trying to see what happens.” But now find yourself clocking your cycle in apps or consulting doctors, doing bloodwork, getting ultrasounds, acupuncture, taking herbs, taking medications, taking your BBT (basal body temperature)… etc.

This photo was 3 years ago at our little make shift photo shoot when I was pregnant with Hayden.

For those of you that have never gone through this arduous process for one reason or another, it most likely seems foreign and possibly crazy. Perhaps you conceived your children easily, or adopted, or chose not to have children. Some of you tried for a long time to get their miracle baby, or came to terms with not having biological children.   

When I was 38, I got the feeling from doctors that I was going to have trouble conceiving. I thought it would take me a very long time. I was almost mentally prepared for the process to take  6-12 months. But, it happened quickly. We were blessed. 

This time around has been different. Yes, I know I’m older , so there’s that issue. I try not to put pressure on us or myself, but I know  it must be there. The pressure, I mean. I posted on instagram right at the new year talking about using an ovulation test. I started using those because the first several months of trying, nothing was happening for me.  After consulting with a doctor, I was told to track my cycle. I got hyped up and excited thinking it would work miracles within months, like it does for many couples.

This is when it starts to get difficult. I discussed the topic in this post here. I got some great advice in the comments last time I posted about this, so I wanted to continue being open about fertility. I found an acupuncturist. It’s not cheap and the herbs taste terrible and you’re suppose to de-stress, change your diet and have frequents sessions with the acupuncturist. It’s just one step that some women take during this process. I also am taking a break from hot yoga (that I LOVE) because you’re not suppose to do that right now. I should be going to regular yoga, but I don’t like it as much. I appreciate those of you that commented and shared your experiences. I instantly felt less alone and more supported. For those of you wondering, there’s a decently large group of us out there around their 40s wanting to conceive as naturally as possible, or any way possible. 

How many of you are in or have recently been in this two week waiting period time and time again? (I can’t help but laugh at this phrase. It gives “lady in waiting” a whole new meaning.) I want to run to the store and get pregnancy tests but my doctor says it’s too early and would only create more stress for me to think that way. I just need to be patient. UGHHHH. And my question is: do you feel supported? How are you getting through it? Do you go on forums or have people to talk to? Of course we have our DH (dear husbands in the TCC community) or partner that may or may not totally understanding. I’m also TRYING to remember that I need to be supportive of my husband during this time, too. So, I’m learning it’s unfair of me to expect him to understand this emotionally charged time. I try not to vent too much or stress out to him about this topic (hence my venting here— wondering if he gets this far in the post-lol). Of course, Joel and I are in this  together. It’s our family. Our triumphs. And our stress. That strengthens us. (eventually;) 

Anyone out there feel this way? Fertility in 40s.

Anyone that frequents this blog knows we are trying to have another baby. Sometimes I say “discussing” it or “considering expanding the family” in posts and such. I think I do that to take the pressure off of us, make it seem like we are okay no matter what happens- baby or no baby. 

And, of course, we are. Hayden and Huck are amazing blessings straight from God. When I walked into Hayden’s room this morning (bright and early cause he needed to go potty) he said, “I’m so excited to see you, Mommy. I had a good sleep.” I mean, just so precious. And Huck never forgets to say, “I love you,” when he leaves to go to his Mom’s house. We have the family I prayed for long ago.

I haven’t talked about this openly much, if at all really. There’s still a strong feeling we are not done. We have been trying. There were a few months I felt for sure I was pregnant. It must have been psychosomatic feelings. Anyone that has gone through this process knows the disappointment every month when you see a negative on the pregnancy test, or your cycle comes. 

I know it can take time. It just happened quickly with Hayden. I also was pregnant with four of my closest friends. This time it feels different for us. I shouldn’t speak for Joel, but I feel more alone going through this process at my age now. 

However, from what I’m reading, I am not at all alone. According to a recent study, the only female age group that saw an increased birth rate was for women 40-44! The percentage of millennial women having children is at an all-time low! The surge is mostly women my age, so I’m wondering how many of you out there are in the same boat? There’s got to be some!

I don’t want to dwell too much on anything negative, but it is a very depleting, anxiety inducing, crazy making process at times. It’s hard not get down on ourselves. We’re suppose to relax and let stuff go, yet my instinct is to be proactive. 

So, I am trying to be as proactive as possible. Cutting way down on the following: caffeine, sugar, wine, processed food and Diet Dr. Pepper. I’m not being crazy about that list, but trying very hard. No hot yoga (ugh, I love it, but I can do every other kind of yoga). I started seeing an acupuncturist that gave me the most disgusting herbs I’ve ever tasted to drink everyday. (She suggested three times a day). I’ve only seen her a few times, so I’m thinking I should increase the frequency. Thoughts?

I never froze my eggs. I haven’t tried any fertility methods. I’m absolutely supportive of all of that, I just haven’t done it….yet.

I’m seeing my doctor (OBGYN) today. Gonna drive over the hill in the pouring rain later. 

I would much rather write all this as post-journal success story. I’ve been waiting for that. But, that’s not our journey right now. I believe it will be. We don’t seem to talk about this stuff much. I understand why, but I wish we did discuss it more. So that’s why I’m writing this stuff here. This is a personal blog about lifestyle, fun, food, family, style (sometimes!) and it makes sense to find out if there are more of you out there feeling the same way I do? What steps are you taking? My hope is to make us feel more connected and less alone. If you have success stories- please share!