AUG 17

I wrote this on AUGUST 17, 2021, but just now decided to post it once I got home from court this afternoon.

Two years ago today, I embarked on a new life with Hayden. For those of you that don’t know, on August 17, 2019, I finally decided to leave my situation for good on a hot Saturday morning with Hayden in my arms and a small diaper bag. After many other attempts to leave for periods of time, this one was the one that stuck- I left for good. I had no idea what was ahead or how I would make it through even one day. To those of you that have stayed by me through the ups and downs, that sent prayers, encouraging thoughts and DMs and literal care packages to get me through the hardest parts— thank you. And to those of you that picked me up off the ground, sobbing, and held my head up so I could be a good mother and still move forward, I will forever forever remember that. You know who you are. TALK ABOUT BONDING. The photo below is in my girlfriend’s kitchen after arriving home from the worst day of my life. My girls took care of my Hayden while my mom jumped on a plane to meet me. I can’t even write all this without crying. I was loved. And to this day feel it so completely.

I so wish I could say the worst part is over and I’m writing from the other side of the tunnel, but alas, I am still very much in the depths of it.  I choose not to discuss it much on social media for various reasons, but what I can say is—

if you’re in my shoes, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP- let’s just keep going. I promise you—— we are stronger than we think and capable of more than we can imagine.  (Joshua 1:19) 

Although I have now been in litigation for OVER TWO YEARS, somehow, I’ve managed and must believe God didn’t bring us this far to leave us here. He is faithful and will keep protecting all of us so we get to the best place for everyone involved. Not just Hayden, not just me. But us all.  Including you.

I never want to give the impression that suddenly, I got “over it.” I hear from many of you that are in similar situations and trying to get out…. or did get out and are struggling. I don’t post all the hard. Some things are not for mass consumption. But I am still here on my knees praying and hoping for the best for you and me. And we will get through it. 

I get a great number of questions asking about my situation. Although, we are still not fully divorced (many of you ask why!!), Hayden is very happy and he does see his father and Huck (his half-brother) very regularly. I love this child more than anything in the world and only want the best for him.  

Now, on to the other stuff! I believe if I had not gone through the hard things I refer to above, I would not feel equipped to do the hard things I am doing now. God can turn trauma into treasure. BELIEVE IT. He’s definitely not done with me yet (at all!!) but I can feel the transformation. Goals have been achieved these past two years. I never thought I could make it on my own as a single mother with sole custody with a lot of bills to pay, but here I am. Goals that I always FELT I could accomplish but didn’t know how (DIRECTING- another post coming about that!!). God paved the way. My parents were invaluable and my insanely supportive support system (including you all) lifted me. 

If anyone cares, these are some lines I’ve written down from books and such over the past months that I’ve loved:

Surround yourself with positive people that want the best for you. And be that for them. There is no room for toxic people. It’s OK to walk away from toxicity. You can love and pray for them without being in their presence.

Be grateful. Many many people around the world would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Even on your worst day.

Know your strengths AND weaknesses. I learned more of my WEAKNESSES while directing this past month. Oh good grief, that’s not fun… but now I know what to work on.

If you find there is no purpose in you endeavor, remove yourself. This one was hard for me…. read that again. 

We ARE WORTHY, We ARE POWERFUL AND We CAN DO HARD THINGS. 

We  PRAY TOGETHER (Matt 19:19

xoxo

AAJ

GETTING PERSONAL w/Soaps.com

This past summer, Soaps.com posted a short article. I didn’t repost because there were something private in the article that I’ve yet to discuss. I would never want anything misconstrued, twisted or used wrongly. You may not even notice what I’m referring to… might just seem like another recap of an instagram post?

I know from first hand experience, when another individual shares their journey, their vulnerability invites me in and comforts me. Community is meaningful and important. For me, it’s a gift from God, especially when community prays together. Many people on social media have reached out to me sharing their similar experiences. Some have been incredibly traumatic, sensitive and urgent topics. I try to get back to all of you. I’m sorry if I don’t…. If you choose to comment here, I read them and I hope to respond very quickly. I started a facebook group for this purpose (amongst other purposes- to connect on a more private level about our lives in general). I haven’t been active with that… but plan to revisit if there’s interest. If you are going through turmoil and choose not to respond, I hope you take comfort in knowing you are not alone, even in your darkest hour.

I’m still in the middle of my ordeal….it’s ongoing and depleting, which is hard to believe 14 months later.

I usually post some sort of photo with the posts, so here is a random one from the week, no relation to the topic.

SEE ARTICLE BELOW:

Bold and Beautiful, General Hospital actress has come a long way.

Actress Ashley Jones, who has played Bold and Beautiful’s Bridget Forrester… since 2004, and who also appeared on General Hospital as Parker Forsyth, accepted the recent black and white challenge on social media, a campaign inspired by the soaring rates of violence against women as well as the brutal murder of a 27-year-old student named Pinar Gültekin. She used the opportunity to not only express her solidarity with Turkish women, and women who support other women, but also to reflect candidly on her own personal journey. Her heartfelt post began, “I look back on the past year and get so emotional thinking about certain tough dark times, I can barely see through my tears writing this. But here I am because God gave me the greatest support system that continually reminds me of my strength.”

The strong and talented Jones filed for divorce and a restraining order last fall against husband…amid allegations of abuse, and, happily, appears to be doing so much better. She updated, “I’m still just putting one foot in front of another, but sometimes look back and marvel- I’ve come a long way.” The actress took time in the post to thank God, her family, and added, “And thank you (you know who you are) for showing up in all the ways and ALL THE PLACES and carrying me when I simply couldn’t take another step.”

Ashley spoke to us directly saying, “It was August 17th that I had to leave my home with my son- almost a year ago. It’s interesting to look back the last year. But, Hayden is thriving and we are doing well trying to move forward and rebuild.” We are also happy to hear her report that the domestic violence restraining order became a permanent order on Feb 20, 2020….and currently has custody of their child.

Jones, who rejoined her Bold and Beautiful family for scenes that aired before the production shutdown in March, summed up her post by saying, “There is a treasure in the trauma… look for it. That is where you find your strength.” She also encouraged her followers to flood the Instagram feed with strong women and thanked “the good men out there supporting us women.”

ALL INFO REPOSTED FROM SOAPS.COM.

the NEVER ENDING MARATHON

They say write about what you know… what you are going through. Hmmm. Divorce and quarantine. Exciting! The stuff we’re all going through is not easy. I want to be positive. Even talk about simple things that can bring us all joy. Or affordable fashion finds, lifestyle ideas, etc. And I will again. It’s just not where I am today. Or where our world is today.

But, we will get back there. SOON.

It’s like a never-ending marathon that I didn’t train for and had no idea was starting.

My girlfriend sent me that message about her experience with quarantine. And it hit me hard because that is my personal life right now, too. 

I couldn’t have explained it better. But you know what she DIDN’t say? She didn’t complain about muscle cramps or fatigue. (I’m exhausting this metaphor, but stay with me here). She didn’t talk about QUITTING and dropping out of the race. 

She talked about asking God for help.

Sometimes the simplest things hit me at the right time and resonate. 

Tomorrow is Hayden’s birthday. We are celebrating today. I want to soak up his last day of being three. Hope we all find the joy in today. I’m thinking of creating some sort of birthday tradition for him between just the two of us. Ideas?

My little man after a day at the beach. (In his UV protection suit).

HOW TO COPE IN QUARANTINE: 9 WAYS THAT HELP

NOT EVEN ONE POPPY WAS HARMED IN THE TAKING OF THIS PHOTO. PLEASE SCROLL FOR MORE INFO ON THIS. AND THE DRESS. LANCASTER, CALIFORNIA

HOW TO COPE IN QUARANTINE and BEYOND. Recently, there have been a lot of new visitors to the blog! Welcome. Thank you for being here. Please introduce yourself in comments;)

It seems almost everyone I’ve talked to has had some crummy days. Actually rotten, awful, no-good, very bad days. Even those of us with the HAPPY GENE. Can YOU relate? I don’t need to state the obvious, but will anyway cause I tend to do that.🤷🏼‍♀️  Just because the quarantine is happening doesn’t mean life is stopping. The natural storms of life still roll in at the most inopportune times: health issues, marital problems, infertility, financial stress, domestic abuse, job loss, divorce, etc, then layer on COVID-19 quarantine. And we don’t have the typical support usually afforded us. We feel more alone. I often tell myself- if I could just deal with ONE of the things going on, it would be manageable. This time has forced us ALL to create a new normal.  A new baseline for stress and managing life. I reckon by the time we become so good at this new normal, it’ll be over, then we will have to reconcile the “old” with the “new ways” of our lives. Do we shake hands again meeting new people? How do we handle massively public places like Disneyland and concerts? 

If you’re one of the new ones here and don’t know, everything changed for my son and me last August. I’m currently going through a divorce. It doesn’t ring true to keep so much private, but it’s necessary. 

It’s probably obvious I’m a single mom in quarantine with a three-year-old in an apartment tripping over Paw Patrol toys trying to make ends meet with lawyer bills. But another way for me to write that? I’m so blessed to have a  beautiful, HEALTHY, GOOD boy, while staying sane and afloat by the grace of God in a city with nearly perfect weather and a diehard loving support system that includes YOU. #Perspective. 

To those going through any major life changes during this time, please be gentle on yourself. I remind myself that every. single. day. This too shall pass. We will look back in amazement, knowing God carried us through the worst and we’re more than SURVIVORS. We will thrive.💪🏼💪🏼

Now, back to those over-whelming days where life nearly strangles you metaphorically and you feel like the house fell on you as the tornado drifted away.

I made a list today curated from trial and error, sermons, books, teachers.  I’ll reference on days where circumstances seem heavy, now or anytime in the future, ‘cause anxiety will not go away with the quarantine, sadly.

9 STEPS TO TRY FOR ANXIETY

1. Pray and breathe. Be specific. So grateful for the life I have and I’m requesting for myself (and those going through similar things) energy, stamina and wisdom today to get me through x, y and z, and to approach everyone with an open loving heart. 

2. Jot down thoughts as they come. Identify the mental road blocks and literally write them down. Work through them one by one.

3. Phone a confidant. Or zoom or FaceTime with a group.

4. I can’t see clearly what my blocks are if my world is cluttered. I need a clean environment. I know people that need to go for a run to clear their minds. Or COOK or BAKE (love seeing all the recipes!), or simply change up the scenery (hence our “road trip” 80minutes away to the California poppies pictured in this post). You know yourself well enough to know what can help, now you must do it.

5. Look at your situation from a third perspective. I picture myself as a friend coming in to help. What would I tell a friend/sister? How would I help her?

6. Help someone else. However big or small, it shifts gears in a good way.

7. Write down something to look forward to…. a hot bath, a good meal, book, even SLEEP

8. MUSIC. When I’m in a place of high anxiety, I need silence. But, once I get through the first hurdle, music can help me tremendously. Should I share my favorite playlists?

9. Visualize the other side… when your goals are met and you are over the hurdle? Tell yourself (or a friend) the story of how you OVERCAME the insurmountable and what it took to do it. This is a powerful exercise. HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Life can easily seem insurmountable, like a living nightmare. If you’re going through it today, be as gentle as you would be to your best friend. It’s okay to be exactly where you are. Even if that means shutting down and doing nothing! In fact, sometimes it’s necessary. How do you cope with anxiety? I’d love to know your steps. Please share with us.

XOXO

ASHLEY JONES

If you are experiencing thoughts of despair, please contact Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255, and if you are experiencing domestic abuse, please call 1-800-799-SAFE.

Right near the road, easy access to stand, or hunker down without hurting the poppies! ALL SOCIAL DISTANCING PROTOCOLS WERE OBSERVED.

This dress has been a favorite for years now. The slip in photo above got bunched up when I stood, but it is longer than pictured;) Buying pieces that last is part of the philosophy of sustainable fashion. I have worn this over and over (own a few colors that are on sale, too, see below). I’m in a size small for buying reference. Click photo below for more details and available colors ($89).

Winter Solstice and US

Y’all… it’s been fun putting up some posts and getting your comments about holiday traditions, shopping and baking (more to come, too), but I want to address something on a serious note. Today seems like a good day because it’s Winter Solstice. Today is the shortest day of sunlight and longest night of darkness; a rebirth of the sun. After posting about going through a divorce, I received a lot of private DMs. I did get back to some of you, but comments kept coming. I thought I would write to each of you right here. 

First of all, I’m grateful you all are sharing. The holidays are so wonderfully chaotic for some, and for others can be brutally lonely and overwhelmingly emotional. I think what is the hardest for some of you (based on what I’m reading) is that this is not the holiday we THOUGHT we would have. The unmet expectations are translating as failure and disappointment in our minds. Although our feelings are valid, they are not always accurate. Feelings are not facts. 

This note is for those of you that told me you find yourselves suddenly single parents this holiday. Being a single parent is never how we imagined life, but here we are. And we will be okay. 

To the one that told me she didn’t know if she could survive this transition of divorce this Christmas, you will. I promise, you will. This season of heartache will pass. For all of us.

To the single mommies out there trying to scrape up money for Christmas, blessings to you.
Let’s not forget all our children really need is us. Our attention. Our love. 

To those of you that are suffering health wise or have loved ones not well, let’s pray for strength and healing. 

And to those of you that have opened up about missing loved ones, my heart aches for you. 

For those of you that were hoping so deeply to have a child of your own this holiday, I understand.

To all of you that told me you are in a relationship you know you need to leave immediately, yet feel you cannot, I understand that, too.

I don’t have the answers. I do pray and talk to God. I’ve had to shift my perspective. I was holding on to “what could have been.” It’s best to let that go. Grieve what could have been, then focus on “what is” and focus on the next step to being YOUR best self and being the best mommy/daddy.  What can WE do today to make tomorrow better? I wrote about how cathartic workouts are for me and encourage you all to find the time. I 110% believe that and know that, but I’ve let life get in the way recently and it’s hard to stay on schedule right now. Let’s all just be gentle with ourselves today. On the darkest night of the year, the lights will shine the brightest. Tomorrow, the sun will surely come up. And it will stay out longer giving us a sense of renewal and regeneration.

As the saying goes, scars have the power to remind us that our past is real. Whether your relationship or situation gave you physical scars or emotional scars or (like me) both, remember that those scars are landmarks in time. And you will one day look at those scars, as I will too, and see how they have faded. You will see how far you’ve come.

I know it’s not comfortable to comment publicly on instagram, so DM is easier. I’m brainstorming on how to connect all of us in a way that feels safe and supportive. I love this blog, but it’s not one location … there are different blog posts where people comment and it’s not possible to read all the comments as a community at once.

Find the joy in life today if you can. My little boy is playing in his room with his Nana and Papa. My heart is full. For those hurting today, consider yourself hugged and this bouquet of flowers is for you. You are not alone. We can turn our tragedy into treasure together.