I wrote this on AUGUST 17, 2021, but just now decided to post it once I got home from court this afternoon.

Two years ago today, I embarked on a new life with Hayden. For those of you that don’t know, on August 17, 2019, I finally decided to leave my situation for good on a hot Saturday morning with Hayden in my arms and a small diaper bag. After many other attempts to leave for periods of time, this one was the one that stuck- I left for good. I had no idea what was ahead or how I would make it through even one day. To those of you that have stayed by me through the ups and downs, that sent prayers, encouraging thoughts and DMs and literal care packages to get me through the hardest parts— thank you. And to those of you that picked me up off the ground, sobbing, and held my head up so I could be a good mother and still move forward, I will forever forever remember that. You know who you are. TALK ABOUT BONDING. The photo below is in my girlfriend’s kitchen after arriving home from the worst day of my life. My girls took care of my Hayden while my mom jumped on a plane to meet me. I can’t even write all this without crying. I was loved. And to this day feel it so completely.

I so wish I could say the worst part is over and I’m writing from the other side of the tunnel, but alas, I am still very much in the depths of it. I choose not to discuss it much on social media for various reasons, but what I can say is—

if you’re in my shoes, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP- let’s just keep going. I promise you—— we are stronger than we think and capable of more than we can imagine. (Joshua 1:19)

Although I have now been in litigation for OVER TWO YEARS, somehow, I’ve managed and must believe God didn’t bring us this far to leave us here. He is faithful and will keep protecting all of us so we get to the best place for everyone involved. Not just Hayden, not just me. But us all. Including you.

I never want to give the impression that suddenly, I got “over it.” I hear from many of you that are in similar situations and trying to get out…. or did get out and are struggling. I don’t post all the hard. Some things are not for mass consumption. But I am still here on my knees praying and hoping for the best for you and me. And we will get through it.

I get a great number of questions asking about my situation. Although, we are still not fully divorced (many of you ask why!!), Hayden is very happy and he does see his father and Huck (his half-brother) very regularly. I love this child more than anything in the world and only want the best for him.

Now, on to the other stuff! I believe if I had not gone through the hard things I refer to above, I would not feel equipped to do the hard things I am doing now. God can turn trauma into treasure. BELIEVE IT. He’s definitely not done with me yet (at all!!) but I can feel the transformation. Goals have been achieved these past two years. I never thought I could make it on my own as a single mother with sole custody with a lot of bills to pay, but here I am. Goals that I always FELT I could accomplish but didn’t know how (DIRECTING- another post coming about that!!). God paved the way. My parents were invaluable and my insanely supportive support system (including you all) lifted me.

If anyone cares, these are some lines I’ve written down from books and such over the past months that I’ve loved:

Surround yourself with positive people that want the best for you. And be that for them. There is no room for toxic people. It’s OK to walk away from toxicity. You can love and pray for them without being in their presence.

Be grateful. Many many people around the world would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Even on your worst day.

Know your strengths AND weaknesses. I learned more of my WEAKNESSES while directing this past month. Oh good grief, that’s not fun… but now I know what to work on.

If you find there is no purpose in you endeavor, remove yourself. This one was hard for me…. read that again.

We ARE WORTHY, We ARE POWERFUL AND We CAN DO HARD THINGS.

We PRAY TOGETHER (Matt 19:19

xoxo

AAJ